what am i doing.what am i doing with my life. talking wth a girl who’s 12 or 13 years younger than me, going online and talking to strangers I’ll probably never meet. What am i doing. I buy airplane tickets to see a girl i like. I like her. What have I done? What was I thinking? Why did i think that “us” could have worked? was i expecting her to be as beautiful as in the pictures and to made me forget about all the shit that’s going in my mind and in my life all the time? did i want her to be my muse? i wanted her to be my muse. but i felt nothing. we kissed, we held hands, we went around the city, we fucked three or more times, i felt nothing. what was i thinking? i spent all my savings on this trip while i should have been studying for the finals. i failed the finals. i argued with my family. i come back home and everything is the same. i told her i would go back for her, but just to fill the silence with words. i’m an idiot and i’m a coward and i better cut people out of my life so they won’t see it anymore, so that i don’t feel this way anymore.